Tea with the Queen

Dealing with social anxiety

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As a business coach, I’m finding more of my clients grappling with feelings of isolation of social anxiety these days. Which is strange because the internet has made us more connected than ever.

Did you know, for instance, that the average person spends around 42 hours a month on TikTok? And then there’s YouTube, with 21 hours, and Facebook, with another 20 hours.

It’s mind-boggling how much time we spend being ‘social’ but the truth is, many of us feel lonelier than ever.

Beyond Blue defines social anxiety as feeling intensely anxious about social interactions or performing in front of others. For many of my clients, it manifests physically with excessive sweating, trembling, or nausea. It’s real, and it’s scary but you aren’t alone. Approximately 11% of Australians experience social anxiety during their lifetime, with 7% affected in any given 12-month period.

Now, as business owners, networking and interacting with clients is crucial. It’s part of building success, right? So, here are some practical tips I share with my clients to help them navigate social interactions without feeling overwhelmed.

1. Start Small: If networking is daunting, begin with smaller gatherings. Begin with a one-on-one meeting, or a small group before tackling larger events. This intimate setting can foster meaningful conversations without the pressure of big crowds.

2. Preparation is Key: Before attending a networking event, invest time in preparing. Research the attendees and the event itself. An elevator pitch isn’t necessary, but having a plan for explaining your role can be invaluable.

3. Bring a Friend: Taking a friend along can be comforting and provide support. However, make sure to mingle and not just chat with them, making the most of your networking opportunities.

4. Quality Over Quantity: Don’t pressure yourself to meet everyone. Connecting with just one person is a significant achievement and can be far more rewarding in building genuine relationships.

5. Kindness and Compassion: Lastly, be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge the courage it takes to push beyond your comfort zone. It’s okay to attend events alone—it’s an opportunity for growth and potential new connections. Remember, you’ve successfully navigated challenges before, and you’re capable.

Finally, I’d like to leave you with a challenge: attend one networking or holiday event of your choosing. Consider going with a friend or, if you’re brave enough, attend solo. Let me know how you go, whether successful or not, by sending me a DM or voice note. And remember it’s an opportunity for growth and should be fun, so don’t stress over it!

Until next time, take care of yourselves and celebrate each step forward.

LINKS

For a copy of Emma’s book, ‘Go-getter: Raise your mojo, shift your mindset and thrive’ – https://www.emmamcqueen.com.au/book/

YouTube Channel

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[00:00:00] Emma: A lot of my clients are dealing with social anxiety. I don't know if this is the COVID gift or if it's just a sign of the times. It's easy to sit on our phones and it feels like we're being social, but the reality is that we're all a little bit more lonely than ever,
than ever. I was curious about how much time people were spending on socials, and so I did a little digging around.
These are the current stats. 42 hours a month on TikTok. Wowzers. I don't even know where I'd find things on Tikitok, but anyway, there you go. 21 hours a month on YouTube and 20 hours a month on Facebook. That's a lot of times being social, isn't it? Per month. Wowzers. I want to go back to our friends who struggle with anxiety.
They tell me that it plays out in really physical ways for them. They get the excessive sweats up, there's trembling, and nausea. That's They also tell me that they feel like they're being watched and judged when they're out and about.
According to Beyond Blue,
social anxiety is when you experience intense anxiety about social situations or performing in front of others.
You might fear being criticized, laughed at or humiliated in front of others.
The stats are in and you are definitely not alone. Beyond Blue tells us that around 11 percent of Australians experience social anxiety during their lifetime and around 7 percent experience social anxiety in any 12 month period. That's a lot. That's a lot. The dilemma for business owners is that networking and meeting people is all part of doing business.
So I wanted to see if I could give you some super practical tips on how to navigate this, how to talk about yourself and your services, not in a braggy kind of way, but so that people know what you do. Some of my clients find it very difficult to go to a conference, go to professional learning events, go to networking. And I thought, hmm, how do we help them? How do we help them? Now each situation is really different and is tailored for those experiences. But these are the top tips that I give my clients that seem to work. So number one, if you know you need to get out and do some networking, either start really small. I mean, one on one small, that would be perfect.
Or a small group just before you jump into a bigger group. You don't go, Oh yeah, I'll go to this hundred person event. No, no. We just want to go to a five or 10 or a one on one smaller events. I think sometimes being in a smaller environment, it's a bit more intimate and I find that a bit more safe. I love the smaller groups. Although I run large events, I love the smaller groups because I get to have deeper, meaningful conversations with people. Number three, prepare. Make sure that before you go to a networking event you prepare a little bit more than normal.
It doesn't mean you need to prepare to the nth degree, but a little bit more than normal. You might research the other people that are going, you might research the actual event itself. You know, there's so many things that you can do to prepare. I hate an elevator pitch, but having a plan when someone you what you do is great.
And here's my little tip within a tip. Did you know that the tongue has memory? So, when you're trying to say something out loud, repeating it often, the tongue will slip over the words that don't sound natural. And therefore, you've got an opportunity to change those words. It's an enormous time saver if you can just repeat a couple of things. I tried this out on my 10 year old last week. She was going for a leadership role for next year. And she said, "Mum, I'm going to tell you my speech three times." I said, awesome. First, go into the bathroom and do the speech in front of the mirror three times, and then come and do the speech with me three times.
by the time she had done her sixth time,
she did it without any kind of notes using her tongue memory and she was much more confident just rehearsing a couple of sentences out loud can't be in your head out loud or jotting it down on a post it note just makes it a bit easier there are a lot of us who go to these things and we get tongue tied know how much to tell how little to tell whether to tell all the things so making a note is always super helpful.
My fifth tip, take a friend. Telling your friend, "can you come with me and can you help me out?" means that they're a powerful ally. Yeah. But also saying to them, I want to go to this networking event to meet people.
So we can't just stand in a corner between the two of us. Right. Although if you have massive social anxiety points for getting out and about. Number six, don't put pressure on yourself
to meet as many people as you can. Meeting with one person is an absolute win in this situation. Yeah. Absolute win. number seven is just be kind to yourself, have compassion with yourself.
There are really so many benefits to pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone and attending things alone. If you can, it's a great way to new people. And PS, I always look for the person that's on their own because no one wants to stand on their own. So if you're the person that saves them, wow, you have a friend for life.
It's awesome. to really grow that muscle of networking
so that you know that you can do it and you'll be okay. You never know what business connections you might make. There is a quote, I can't remember who quoted it, but there is a quote that says something like, you've survived every day up until now.
And it is going to be true whether you go networking, whether you go to a professional development learning opportunity, all the things. Of course, if you need more support than just these tips, if your social anxiety
is at a really intense level, please get the support that you need.
There are a myriad of social workers, psychs and counsellors out there. I have a whole list. So if you need something like that, please let me know, reach out to me and I will point you in the right direction. I'm none of those things. These are just tips and things that I help my clients with day in, day out.
As I close off, I'd love to set you up with a bit of a challenge if you're up for it. There is a ton of networking and Christmas parties that go on, that you could attend in your own state, in your own way. Why not pick one and go with a friend? Bonus points if you go on your own. Oh, and let me know how it went.
Shoot me a DM or a voice note. I always love to hear from you and what you tried and what worked, but especially what didn't work. We don't need to take ourselves too seriously when we're doing a challenge like this, right? Until next week.