[00:00:00] Emma: I was recently talking with some of my amazing thriving women, and we were talking about the loneliness that comes from having your own business, especially if you've come out of corporate. Am I right? Now you don't have corporate buddies. Now don't you don't have an existing team and Some of your corporate buddies don't quite understand what it means to be spending your own money, to be juggling all the balls.
[00:00:23] Emma: And my favorite, they don't understand what it feels like to not have an IT department or how I hate that. I used to love my IT department. I was in this situation and I had a beautiful team and each time I walked into an environment, , there was already people established and it felt great. And then you go out on your own and it's like having no seatbelt in your car.
[00:00:45] Emma: It can be scary. Whilst I was in this conversation, it occurred to me that I myself might be a bit of a lone wolf. I think it might just be my personality,
[00:00:55] Emma: further enhanced by
[00:00:56] Emma: growing up a little too quickly,
[00:00:57] Emma: and that's an episode for another day. But having to rely on myself from a very early age.
[00:01:03] Emma: I'm like fiercely independent. And I reckon female entrepreneurs can often feel like they're a bit of a lone wolf. Among their friends and in their outer circle. They don't have a lot of friends
[00:01:14] Emma: that they can turn to, that have had
[00:01:17] Emma: or are having similar experiences. finding business besties is kind of key to feeling supported in your entrepreneurial journey. There are tons of women who don't have a small group of people that they can rely on. And they're out there. They're definitely out there. We just have to find them. I also think it's really important here to name the elephant in the room.
[00:01:40] Emma: I see it in posts and blogs. I see people sprouting the words and the words are women supporting women, I hate to burst your bubble. But the amount of stories I get told about women not supporting women, sometimes it's just not true. Sometimes women genuinely
[00:02:01] Emma: do not support other women.
[00:02:02] Emma: I have felt it. I have experienced it. I have seen it. I've watched it. Sometimes you meet someone and you think, yay, a new business bestie, and then they go and rip off your work. Or they talk about you behind your back, or they say the right things in front of you,
[00:02:18] Emma: but you know that they're speaking badly
[00:02:20] Emma: behind your back, or when you're out of earshot. It happens more than we think, which is why I'm bringing it up. I have had this experience myself, and a lot of my clients have had that as well. And I don't think women mean to do this, I think they start comparing themselves to others, who they perceive to be more successful than them, whatever that really means. And they genuinely don't know what their style is or it could be evolving. So they're trying on someone else's style, kind of like trying on someone else's clothes. A recent example of this was I was listening to a podcast episode a few weeks ago. And I thought to myself, jeez, she sounds like another woman
[00:02:55] Emma: in another business I know.
[00:02:57] Emma: And it bothered me that much that I went and checked out this person I was thinking of. And then I realised that one was a client of the other. And that's when it hit me. She just hasn't found her way yet. So she's trying to find her own voice. There's zero judgement here, and I know that eventually she will find her own voice.
[00:03:18] Emma: And when she does, man, she's going to be flipping amazing. Sometimes we just need to grow and evolve, right? I think it's also really important to realise that being a wolf is totally fine. And it can kind of be a superpower as well. It's definitely my superpower. Why? I am so glad you asked. Thank you for asking.
[00:03:41] Emma: Three reasons, I think. Firstly, you don't need the recognition
[00:03:45] Emma: or the opinions of others to do your job. Self worth is an absolute inside job. I was recently reminded of the power of self worth as I was doing some work with Farrah Mack, the founder of the self worth movement.
[00:03:59] Emma: She is the sparkliest advocate you can get from a self worth advocate. perspective and has totally nailed that it comes from inside you. She has these beautiful self worth affirmation cards and they were placed out in front of all of our guests at our recent day with the Queen and they're beautiful.
[00:04:20] Emma: Go check her out on Instagram. Amazing. The really interesting thing for me is when we were placing the cards out, they felt random. But so many people came up to me and said, I got this card and this is exactly what I needed to hear today. Somehow the universe has our back in that. There is a trap here, right?
[00:04:38] Emma: this one is a little bit hard if one of your love languages is words of affirmation. I know because words of affirmations is my love language. And for those of you that don't know the five love languages, it's my favorite book. And it talks about how to love someone in their own language. He talks about the five love language being, let me see if I can get this right.
[00:04:57] Emma: acts of service,
[00:04:58] Emma: physical touch,
[00:05:00] Emma: gifts,
[00:05:00] Emma: quality time,
[00:05:01] Emma: and words of affirmation. I'd love you to pause now just for a minute and work out what you think your love language is. Once you've figured it out, unpause me and keep going. I want to explain what each of them are though.
[00:05:15] Emma: Acts of service is doing things for other people. Do you like having things done for you? My husband loves me filling up his water bottles. It's really simple. Physical touch is not necessary in the saucy realm. It could also be a high five, a handshake, a hug, a kiss. Whatever. Gifts is presents.
[00:05:34] Emma: I used to be a gifts girl. Quality time. My daughter is an absolute quality timer. She's like, can we just spend some time together? She asks for it. She doesn't know the love language, but she asks for it. And then words of affirmation is
[00:05:45] Emma: someone noticing something
[00:05:46] Emma: and commenting on you. It's not necessarily compliment.
[00:05:49] Emma: It's just cheerleading you on. And like I said, I used to be a gifts girl and then I had Evie who's now 10 and something changed. So I went from gifts to words of affirmation. And recently, my hubby and I did an experiment. If you know me really well, you will not be surprised by the fact we did an experiment.
[00:06:09] Emma: And he worked really hard to speak my love language for 42 days straight. Man, I was floating on air. And some times he didn't even mean to do it, and it just came out. But the trap here is that those words mean so much to you that you don't do the work on yourself, inside yourself, that we rely too much on what others think.
[00:06:35] Emma: And that's never good, especially in business. Because like I keep saying, you're not everyone's cup of tea. Number two,
[00:06:43] Emma: you don't seek the outside validation
[00:06:46] Emma: of those around you, and it means
[00:06:47] Emma: You're quicker to move on ideas that you have. I have been able to move quickly. I do hate the word pivot and thank you for the feedback on everyone else hating the word pivot, but sometimes it's necessary, right?
[00:06:59] Emma: You just got to move quick. It also means that you will have people who are not in the arena with you throwing shade or judgment as you try new things, as you fail, as you get back up, as you bounce forward. You're right. As you go again, or while they're watching. from their own comfort zone. And I am very mindful to listen to the people who are doing a similar thing to me and trying new things rather than having people watch what I'm doing and give their opinion and they're not in the arena.
[00:07:34] Emma: When someone says to me,
[00:07:35] Emma: Emma, can I give you some feedback?
[00:07:37] Emma: My initial response is absolutely. Then it's my choice whether or not I take the feedback on. And also I have to question. Are they in the arena? Are they trying new things as well? Or are they just sitting on the sidelines judging others? A lot of my clients find this the hardest to take people judging from the sidelines and some opinions matter and some don't.
[00:07:59] Emma: We need to be really careful who we listen to. And finally, number three,
[00:08:03] Emma: I reckon being on your own
[00:08:05] Emma: forces you to cultivate
[00:08:07] Emma: some really strong self discipline
[00:08:11] Emma: and problem solving skills. The challenges you face will push you to develop in areas like time management, adaptability, flexibility, resilience, and you can play with streamlining efficiencies because you don't need to manage your team or rely on others.
[00:08:28] Emma: You can streamline processes and you can make decisions quickly. And the bonus, you can have a deep sense of pride and ownership in building something on your own. Successes feel more personal, don't they? So I started with a story about how we were talking about being a lone wolf and it dawned on us that we're all lone wolves.
[00:08:48] Emma: Fiercely independent women,
[00:08:51] Emma: all doing amazing things, but coming together because even a lone wolf needs her pack. Maybe a lone wolf only needs a very small amount of business besties versus a hundred of them. Maybe she just needs a small crew of cheerleaders. We all need people in our lives who think we're a big deal.
[00:09:13] Emma: Don't you reckon? Funny story. I was at David the Queen. That's our day that we get together every two years, 120 women in the room. And it was an amazing day. And of course I was on stage showing my thing and I got home and, my 10 year old was like, Hey, mommy, you're back. How did it go? So good. And then mom, can you help me with my homework?
[00:09:33] Emma: And I'm like, man, I love having cheerleaders. And I also love being dropped straight back into mom mode.
[00:09:41] Emma: My question for you, do you have people in your life
[00:09:44] Emma: who think you are a big deal? I do. Every time I talk to them, I am reminded how great I am. And that's not me about me bragging. It's just that I have some genuinely lovely people who can be straight with me, who can tell me when I've done a good job, who can tell me when I could have done it better.
[00:10:04] Emma: And they're all beautiful and kind. But I know that they do everything that they do to Every piece of feedback, every conversation with me out of a place of beautiful intention and intention makes all the difference. We've all been in those conversations where we have sniffed someone's intention and it's not been great.
[00:10:27] Emma: Haven't we? It's just that gut feel, that intuition. Some of my cheerleaders are Lisa O'Neill, Alex Hagen, Chris Green, Callum McCurdy, Richard Hodge, Jane Anderson, Selina Fisk, Matt Maloof, Meredith Wilson, and of course, my head cheerleader, Mark McQueen. What gets them into the cheerleader category? Well, when I speak to them,
[00:10:51] Emma: They encourage me,
[00:10:53] Emma: they celebrate,
[00:10:54] Emma: they commiserate,
[00:10:55] Emma: they do all the things.
[00:10:57] Emma: They just pour love on me over and over. I hope that I am also their cheerleader, right? We have to have people in our lives who think we're amazing. As homework, as I would love you. To reach out to those people who think you are amazing and thank them. There's nothing better than receiving a text message to say thanks for all your support and encouragement.
[00:11:24] Emma: They will be so stoked to hear about the impact that you have on them, and you get to have a little dopamine hit along the way. I'll see you next week.
