Tea with the Queen

[00:00:18] EMMA: Want more referrals? Let's start with basic manners
[00:00:23] before you roll your eyes and think, Emma has officially lost her mind, become her grandmother, gone bonkers, stay with me because actually, I don't think this is about manners at all.
[00:00:33] I think it's about relationships and I think it's about respect, and I think it's about something that's quietly eroding the way that we are doing business. Woo, woo, woo. All right. Let me tell you what happened. Within the space of three days, I received two emails, both from people I know, both from people I like, and both from people I would happily help if the circumstances were correct, and yet both left me feeling exactly the same way.
[00:01:00] The first was an invitation to be part of a book, except it wasn't really an invitation. The chapter had already been written. The decision had already been made. The email essentially said, "Here's the chapter. Please review it. You have seven days, and if we don't hear back from you, assume it's fine."
[00:01:20] I mean, really. No hello. No how are you? No hope you've been well. No acknowledgement that there was a human being at the other end. Just straight into business. A few days later, another email arrived. This one was about being a guest on a podcast. Normally, yay. Again, someone I know, someone who's been around and in my community for quite some time, but instead of asking if I'd like to come on, the email essentially told me I was going to be on their podcast.
[00:01:51] The question actually never came. It wasn't, "Emma, would you be interested?" It wasn't, "Would you have any capacity?" It wasn't, "I'd love to explore [00:02:00] this if you're open to it." It was simply assumed and I found myself sitting there thinking the same thing I thought after the first email. Where have the manners gone? to be clear, I am not asking for an essay. I'm not asking people to write me a five-paragraph introduction. I don't need someone to tell me about their weekend. I actually don't even need a handwritten note delivered by carrier pigeon. No. But I do think there's something in acknowledging the person on the other end of the conversation.
[00:02:34] It's not that hard. A simple, "Hi, Emma. Hope you're well," or, "Happy Friday," or, "How have you been?" These things take seconds, literal seconds, and they completely change the tone of a conversation. They remind the person receiving the email that they're more than a transaction, more than a resource, more than a means to an end.
[00:02:55] Can you hear I'm cranky? I don't mean to be cranky, but this needs to stop. When relationships become transactional... The more I've reflected on this, the more I've realized it isn't really about emails at all. It's about what happens when relationships become transactional and we see it everywhere. People connect with you on LinkedIn, and immediately pitch slap.
[00:03:17] People join communities, and immediately promote their stuff. People attend events, and immediately ask for introductions. People start conversations with what they need before they've even invested a single minute in the relationship. Are you hearing me, ladies? Somewhere along the way, we've confused access with relationship. Just because you've been in someone's world doesn't mean you've earnT the right to skip the relationship part. Just because someone knows your name doesn't mean they're available. Just because someone has helped you before doesn't mean they owe you now. Relationships still matter, and in fact, I would argue they matter more than [00:04:00] ever.
[00:04:00] They matter more than ever. Just for those people in the back. Relationships are a competitive advantage. This is something that I teach all the time. Relationships are a competitive advantage, especially with the automations, with AI, with funnels, with systems. Relationships remain one of the very few things that can't easily be replicated
[00:04:23] yet.
[00:04:24] Think about your favorite clients. I bet they aren't necessarily your biggest clients. They're often the people who communicate well, the people who appreciate you, the people who say thank you, the people who respect your time, the people who understand there's a human being behind the business, and the same applies in reverse.
[00:04:42] When you become that person, opportunities open up, not because you're manipulating anyone, not because you're networking strategically, but because people genuinely enjoy interacting with you Familiarity should increase thoughtfulness right? This is the part that is fascinating to me. Both emails came from people I know.
[00:05:04] If they had come from total strangers, I probably wouldn't have given much thought of it. But they didn't. They came from people with whom there was already a relationship, and I would say a good one, and that's exactly why it landed differently. Familiarity should increase thoughtfulness, not decrease it.
[00:05:21] Yet often the opposite happens. We get comfortable, we get casual, we start skipping steps, we assume, we tell instead of ask. We forget that the relationship itself, it needs maintenance. Think about your closest friendships. Imagine ringing a friend and immediately saying, "I need you to help me move house on Saturday."
[00:05:41] No hello, no checking in, no asking how they are. Most of us wouldn't dream of it. Yet somehow in business we've normalized exactly that
[00:05:54] Before You know I love a practical takeaway on this podcast, so here are three. Before you [00:06:00] send an email asking for something, can you just pause and ask yourself, One,
[00:06:04] have I acknowledged the person? Not the task, not the project, the person. A simple greeting goes a long way. Number two, have I assumed or have I asked?
[00:06:15] There is a big difference between would you be interested and here's what we're doing. People deserve the chance to say yes or no. Three, would I say this face to face? This is my favorite filter. Imagine you're standing right in front of someone. Would you launch straight into the request, or would you acknowledge them as a human being first?
[00:06:34] You'd probably say hello. Most of us know the answer. This isn't rocket science, right? And I feel like what this means for women in business, and I really wanna bring this back to our community, because one of the things I love most about the women I work with
[00:06:51] is the way they genuinely care about people.
[00:06:54] Sometimes we worry that relationships are soft, that they aren't strategic enough, that kindness doesn't drive results. I completely disagree. Some of the biggest opportunities in my business have come from relationships built over years, not because I was chasing the opportunity, but because I was investing in the relationship.
[00:07:14] The introduction came later. The collaboration came later. The referral came much later. The revenue, heaps later. Relationships first, opportunity second
[00:07:26] So here's my challenge for you this week. Over the next week, pay attention to your communication, the emails, the messages, the LinkedIn requests, the podcast invitations, the collaboration opportunities, the referrals, the coffee invitations. Ask yourself one thing, "Am I treating this person like a human being or a transaction?"
[00:07:50] Because I genuinely believe we can build successful businesses without losing our humanity. In fact, the businesses that thrive long term are usually built by people [00:08:00] who remember exactly that. just wanna talk about two more things, so, you know, work with me here. The first thing is urgency sometimes you're really busy, and so you shoot off a text message, an email, some kind of communication, and you're on the run.
[00:08:16] Do you know that the other person actually doesn't know that that is happening for you? So it's your urgency, not their urgency. Don't just leave your manners at home because you're feeling urgent and rushed. Maybe park that email or text message until you have time to actually be polite. That's the first thing I wanna say.
[00:08:32] The second thing I wanna say is-
[00:08:35] If you are not building relationships and you're not building relationships over time, you just look like you're pitch slapping everyone, and that looks desperate. And as women, we don't like to feel ick, but that gives me the ick. You do not want to look desperate, you don't wanna be desperate, and you don't wanna act desperate.
[00:08:56] That's what no manners looks like The funny thing is, neither of those emails actually upset me. They simply made me pause, and they made me reflect, and they made me wonder if we've become so focused on efficiency that we've forgotten about connection. Because business is still people, people buying from people, people referring people, people helping people, people collaborating with people.
[00:09:22] Have you got me? In a world that can feel rushed and automated and transactional, perhaps one of the most powerful things we can do is bring back something incredibly simple: a greeting, a question, a thank you, a bit of warmth, a bit of humanity, a bit of manners. And who knows? Maybe the opportunity you're hoping for isn't on the side of a perfectly crafted pitch.
[00:09:48] Maybe it's on the other side of making someone feel seen. Oh, wow. If you've got a biz buddy who needs to hear this one, send it their way. And if this hit a nerve, I would love to hear from you because you know I [00:10:00] get almost no feedback on this podcast, and Brianna gets cranky, and I also tell myself a useful story that no one's even listening anyway.
[00:10:07] Prove me wrong, please. If you're building a business where relationships genuinely matter, I'd love to welcome you into my world, whether that's a Go Getter Day, a Business With The Queen event, or Thriving Women. You'll find a room full of women who understand that business growth and human connection go hand in hand.
[00:10:28] Because around here, no woman stands alone. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next week